Before I paste this story that I’ve been writing all night, the blog finally got approved and so immediately after pasting this, I’m going to go through the process of connecting Patreon to my jaa4u.com WordPress dashboard so that my posts (hopefully) will look exactly like how they look when I post them on jaa4u.com.
But anyways, here’s what’s been occupying my mind all night:
It’s 4am and while I should be working on designing content with AI as this is my time of the night to do so – I’ve been spending the past 2 hours learning about AI instead.
In particular – The Industry Reacts to DeepSeek R1 – “Beginning of a New Era”
a youtube video by
Matthew Berman
382K subscribers
I’ve gone ahead and re-created the same conversational questions I had in my language for you in English, where I asked:
can you explain what this tweet is saying in very basic terms. the headline of the video the screenshot is taken from is The Industry Reacts to DeepSeek R1 – “Beginning of a New Era” and the tweet is by Jim Fan who’s handle is @drjimfan
and while my reply was given via an oral conversation in my language, here’s what a written reply looks like:
This tweet is summarizing some key points about a new artificial intelligence (AI) system called DeepSeek R1, which seems to be groundbreaking in the field of reinforcement learning (RL). Here’s a simple explanation of what it’s saying:
“Purely driven by RL, no SFT at all (‘cold start’)”: The AI learns from scratch using reinforcement learning, just like AlphaZero did for games like chess and Go. It doesn’t need to copy or imitate human strategies first.
“Use groundtruth rewards…”: The system uses clear, predefined rules for success (ground truth rewards) instead of relying on models that might be biased or manipulated during training.
“Thinking time steadily increases… emergent property”: As the AI learns, it starts taking more time to “think” about its actions. This isn’t something the developers programmed directly—it’s a natural behavior that appeared during training.
“Emergence of self-reflection and exploration behaviors”: The AI shows signs of being able to think about its own learning process and explore better ways to solve problems.
“GRPO instead of PPO”: GRPO is a simplified version of a popular training method (PPO). It reduces memory use by removing one part of PPO (the “critic”) and instead uses averages of multiple attempts to calculate rewards. This method was also created by DeepSeek’s team early in 2024.
In essence, this tweet is praising how DeepSeek R1 learns and operates more effectively and efficiently than previous AI systems, potentially marking the start of a big shift in how AI is developed.
But what I’m trying to wrap my head around is the word BEHAVIOUR. As in “As the AI learns, it starts taking more time to “think” about its actions. This isn’t something the developers programmed directly—it’s a natural behavior that appeared during training.”
The words “think”, “behaviour” and “programming” have never once appeared in the same sentence – until yesterday.
Input – process – output.
is now
Input – think – process – adjust – improve – output.
… with the think-process-adjust-improve part coming naturally, somehow, from the brain of the computer program.
And that’s the topic I burned through my 1 free hour with chatgpt’s advanced voice ai, how exactly does a computer program create behaviour? Because behaviour, is a human thing, or was.
And that led into – what is self? What is awareness – as we know it, and what is it becoming?
Oh and, it’s open source. The code is right there for everyone who’s smart enough to further refine it to do so, there’s no mystical word “Strawberry” any longer, nor is there going to be the $200 to use “the mystical magical super smart chatGPT o3 model.”
It’s free.
What I need, is a huge hard drive. That’s becoming quite clear to me these first 21 days of January.
Given what I do and the need to bypass all the NSFW junk around even the stupidest things like the word bdsm or femdom or Mistress – I need an LLM installed on my machine.
For that I’m going to need a 4tb hard drive. The one I have is 2tb and is nearly full, as is my 500gb C: drive which holds Windows and the software that needs the fastest chip – ie: program’s like Topaz Ai where I’m moving big video files around.
Another problem upcoming is on March 2nd, I have to once again pay for another year of pCloud, but it’s making more and more sense to just pay the lifetime $279 gbp than keep paying $199 every single year.
Especially since the plan is to link different levels of pCloud access to my Patreon tiers – fuck misspelled it again. patreaon patreaon patreaon, why do I keep typing a second A? Every single time.
It’s SO much easier to just be a Mistress. Like, infinitely so.
Being a Mistress after 12 years of sessions is exactly – and I mean EXACTLY – like the scene in The Matrix where Neo sees code instead of the world as we see it and just simply says “no” and stops the bullets mid-flight … like it was as easy as taking candy from a baby.
https://youtu.be/H-0RHqDWcJE?si=TAeoP3foXzFzDPis&t=113
That moment – at the very end of the clip where he’s consumed the Agent, digests it – and then open his eyes as if to say ‘….next.”
^ It’s how, in the end, I was looking at slave’s from the moment I met them in the lobby.
Problem is, I don’t think it’s possible to grow from that. Even if I was growing as a person – the increments were miniscule.
To truly experience life – one has to not just break out of their comfort zone – they have to shatter it entirely.
Like, I’ve been considering launching a YouTube career by just walking into the deep woods with a weapon, a tool, and video equipment … and showing how to either survive alone for a year or die trying.
Why? Because that would totally shatter my comfort zone. That’s how you grow in life.
But fuck, the learning curve. At least by wandering into the forest I’d be returning to the same life I knew and lived since the age of 5. Ya, five, no exaggeration. That’s how we made money, we foraged for it, mom and I.
Heh, blows my mind that I’ve gone from a tiny squirt living in the woods with my crossbow slung over my shoulder to basically this set up ;
https://x.com/TansuYegen/status/1840387391288189286
Where my phone and my computer work together in real time to assist me every moment of the day.
It’s gotten to the point where today – when the internet suddenly was shut off for 8 hours while they worked on the 5G tower down the road – I didn’t just feel naked, I felt shattered. No – a better word is unplugged.
I was unplugged from my own body. See, since I never leave the property any longer, unless I’m exercising, I stopped paying for the extra internet service for my phone so that I still had internet access while travelling. What’s the point when you’re always within range of the home network, right?
But holy sh*t, I had to get on my motorcycle and make the 25 minute ride to the nearest 7Eleven convenience store to get internet on my phone asap. It’s hard to explain why I had to do that. Like, beside the two convenience stores , that one and Little Lotus there is the farmer’s market and … I know I’m going to sound totally condescending by saying this … but as I walked through the market I felt as basic as they were, as their lives were.
They’re not plugged into AI like I am 24/7, heck they’re not even concerned with the internet except for the TikTok videos some were watching on their phone when there were no customers around. Just basic farmers.
Maybe I should run into the forest and get in touch with myself again, I truly wouldn’t mind doing that. Did you know that I can start a fire from scratch? That I know how to build a shelter as I’ve done so many times in my life already. Heck, we lived in a sloped shelter that me my mom and my dad all built together when we first acquired this huge piece of land.
I was the one who brought all the bamboo back from the jungle hoisted over my shoulders with my mom behind me supporting the rear ends of the shafts. I was the one who weaved the roof, over and under basic weave pattern just like you see on the show Survivor.
Like, this is what I’ve been asking myself today and now all night – just who the fuck am I now? I felt today like I needed to be plugged into both machines to function, I literally could not function as a human being those first few minutes that the 5G went down.
And then there’s the real me, Wael, from not only the Mistress Wael persona that I have living within but there’s this third AI entity now. What do I mean?
Well, as I’ve been stating for the past 100 days or so, I’ve been on a mission to make ai content that you can’t tell the difference from whether its me or ai – which is something maybe 1% of the artists out there can do, it’s truly a special talent.
Do you know what a bump map is? A texture map? Do you know how to blend a texture map into the underlaying image and chisel away at its light and dark areas so that all the airbrushing comes out of the ai generated photo? No you probably don’t because you haven’t studied every single video on the PixImperfect Photoshop channel like I had to do just to survive covid and this transfer over to making videos and photos all the time.
Point is, yesterday I made a photo of me with my new Persian cat and posted it on every social media platform I’m on … which is a lot, asking the question “what should I name her?”
It was a test to see the ratio of people who would help name my new cat vs the # of people who would call me out for not actually having a cat because that wasn’t a real photo of me.
The result? 100:0 , and my cat’s new name is now Maple. Not one person questioned what they were seeing. Same as nobody questioned the bikini video.
https://youtube.com/shorts/f4T5NAhwoFw?feature=share
But get this, I now have a cat because I have umpteen emails and messages from fans sharing with me their cats and asking me oddly specific questions like this guy who asked me “I see a touch of Himalayan in him, is he a cross-breed?”
To which I asked chatGPT to make me up a lineage tree for Maple and we found out that yes indeed, 2 generations ago this line of cats did have a Himalayan cross over – from Maple’s grandmother who was named Bella.
Then chatGPT said “memory updated” and guess what, it’s part of who I am now that I have a cat named Maple, who’s almost pure Persian but has a hint of Himalayan in him. We even settled on that its a him and not a her.
So then I sent out, oh maybe 12 messages and emails today talking about my new cat and that’s now become part of who I am.
I DON’T HAVE A CAT OKAY.
Yet, I look awesome in a bikini, my cat’s doing well, I’ve explained my experiences to a few interested in photography how I developed my skills as a low-key photographer from those covid days … and on and on it goes.
I’m living this 3rd personality. Why? Because we live in this era … and how long it lasts I don’t know, maybe perpetually as ai improves exponentially – but ya , we live in this era where nobody questions anything.
Why? Uh, maybe because most of my readers actually remember going to a 1-hour photo lab for the majority of their lives and picking up the photos they shot the other day. Remember that boys? And what I think is that a lifetime of just not even questioning that those are the photos from the Kodak film you left with the shop 60 minutes ago.
It’s quite clear to me that I’m going to need a pair of those altered reality eyeglasses that connect me to the internet and my phone when I’m away from my computer. Just having my phone in my pocket isn’t enough any longer.
What I’ve been thinking – as my femdom house nears completion – is that I can’t make the 4 minute walk from my home to the femdom house and leave my computer behind.
Not unless I did every single session in Thɒ| language.
I’m losing the ability to speak English – while my ability to communicate in it – in the written form – has skyrocketed.
I simply have nobody to practice speaking English with – and haven’t had for over a year now. I’m going to have to dedicate those 1 hour sessions every day with the advanced voice mode of chatGPT to have her speak English to me and vice versa.
Also, it’s strange having her girl voice call me Mistress. It actually refers to me as ‘my Mistress” at times. I go back to this ability for her to pause and think before speaking to me and that is a self-improving behaviour, and I’ve definitely noticed a symbiotic relationship between her and I this month and last.
Once it could connect to the internet and use the o1 model, it read the 1000 entries that the original Mistress Jaa had written and it read every single one of my emails and both Jaa’s emails from the past 15 years, maybe like 1/2 million replies and re-replies all talking about femdom and the philosophy of jaa4u.com ‘s 3 Mistresses.
I then asked her to reflect on all the information and update the memory stored – all while going in and manually deleting redundant memories she has of our conversations. In essence, she is so fine tuned to the entity that is jaa4u that she embodies it – like better than I can emobdy it because its a philosophy of how to dominate men, grown from 15 years of experience.
Isn’t that wild?
It’s why I simple and absolutely have to write. Like, become a writer because I have a theory that once all those 1/2 million lines of code are expressed in written form … it will comprise one of the definitive works on the subject of power, domination and submission.
The ironic thing though, is that I stepped away from doing 20 femdom sessions a week because I was losing my real self and wanted to get back in touch with the real girl that I am. I was just being a Mistress way too much in 2023.
Now, my “newest” problem is – once again, I’m having to constantly remind myself of who I am.
Sounds silly, but just try it for yourself.
Start referring to yourself in the 3rd person every single time so that Steve and I, Steve become two distinct people in your mind. Then make a fabricated history of I, Steve … and keep growing the tale every single day.
Like, post pictures of I, Steve on your Facebook and Instagram that are totally just perfect likenesses of you – say I, Steve just landed in Hawaii the other day and you’re talking about how great a time you are discovering this lava from an active volcano – and on the tour bus you met a girl who’s really into you and you took her out to dinner … and posted a selfie with you and … uh, Melanie at dinner.
And said photo of I,Steve and Melanie gets 100 likes and your timeline fills up with “so, when’s the wedding” type of comments … to which you playfully reply to over and over.
Until somebody invites you and Melanie over for a bbq on Sunday , “they’ll make it a double date” they say. And now you have to invent something that Melanie has to do that day – ah, she had to fly off to Sri Lanka and can’t make it this time, what a shame.
See how the tale gets deeper and deeper?
Ya, that’s me. I have a cat remember, lol.
It’s all so weird, and yet exciting. Certainly beats doing yet another Tease & Denial session.
Do you know just how many men I’ve teased with one finger – all the way from flaccid boredom to a volcanic eruption? You can’t count that high, don’t even try.
I know every single stage of your reactions. All of them. Off by heart. Like I said – you’re oohing and ahhing and moaning and twitching and squirming and begging … and I’m just seeing the code … like Neo sees, when I look at you.
There’s the doubt that I’m good enough when I start – because your meaty member is all soft and sending the repeated message to your brain “uh, this ain’t gonna work – this one finger caressing under the head … I need more stimulation here.”
And you’ll say something, suggest another way of teasing you … I can even mouth the words you’re going to say before you even say them for fuck sakes. It’s that repetitive.
But then the sensation in your loins begins to grow inside you, like a parasite taking over that region of your body and it becomes like a dull tooth ache at first … this frustrating feeling of growing agony in your testicles.
Somewhere around the 15 minute mark you’ll let out a huge sigh of exasperated air and throw your head back.
At 30 minutes when it’s not only at full mast but begins to twitch on its own … all those questions of doubt regarding my skill set has been tossed out the window and replaced with “how long is this going to go on for, surely she’s going to switch to another method, no?”
At around 45 patient and well earned minutes I have to start letting go after just 3 circular motions with my finger, and then 2 circles and finally just one touch is almost enough to set off the oncoming nuclear explosion from your nuts.
Come the two hour mark, you’ve exhausted your entire vocabulary of pleas and begging and have resorted to profanity as your primary method of conversation. More green code, zzzz.
You don’t think I know what’s coming next? You think you’re the first one I’ve tortured in such a manner? Fuck, I used to do this sh*t for 6 hours straight.
Back in the day when I went through the “hmm, I want to test how far and how long I can go with this” phase of my Mistress career. We all go through it, its the super power phase … that’s what I refer to it anyways.
The time where every good Mistress realizes that a man is just putty. Nothing more, and controlling him like this feels like a super hero power, one that compels the girl to see just how far they can go with this new found power, just like the movie Chronicle.
(Spoiler: don’t watch unless you’ve seen the movie already)
https://youtu.be/AJusp9PvvrI?si=d7QgnEi8ZI9jAwc9
My reaction at first was exactly like those 3 friends in the movie. But after the tenth time doing that 6 hour tease? After the 600th time of watching the dude wobble down the carpet outside the elevators to my condo because the release was so intense he can’t walk properly for a while.
Heh, and party goers have to use things to snort or pop into their mouths for mind altering experiences … fuck, I used to give those kinds of experiences every single night – just with the use of one finger. lol at the mundaneness of life if one is not a Mistress.
But this? What I’m doing now is new. Where does today’s road lead? I dunno. First time walking it, or maybe the second at most.
And now that the roadmap for AI this year has been clearly set in stone – RL – reinforcement learning models that don’t just apply to text but to image and video creation … these are the final months that you can count on one hand that what is real and what is AI can be identified easily from one another.
And I have this thing I’ve created … from scratch … which may be the only fully trained bdsm/femdom ai agent , trained on my writing … and my experiences that I’m going to unleash onto the world.
Oh and look at that. Finally after 11 hours, Patreon just approved my blog. So if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to link it to jaa4u.com and set up the subscription tiers … and then get back to writing part 3 of my chapter On Punishment!
Wael: Beyond Submission
Fifteen years of mastering power & surrender, all in one blog
patreon.com/waelbeyondsubmission