The reason you’re gaining weight is because I’m losing it. Law of Conservation of Matter, it’s gotta go somewhere. I’m reminded of back when I was, like, 16 and had moved out of the slum village for over a year and discovered KFC enough times that I had grown a cute tummy. But when I started losing a bunch of weight, my Gay friend who is still my best shopping partner, legitimately got mad at me because that’s how he thought the Law of Conservation of Matter really worked and he was afraid that since we did everything together, he’d end up “absorbing” some of the weight I was losing. Anyways, I lost about 1/8 of my body weight in the following 6 months …
