November 1997
• Enron buys out a partner’s stake in a company called JEDI and sells the stake to a firm it creates, called Chewco, to be run by an Enron officer. Thus begins a complex series of transactions that enable Enron to hide debts.
• A married man’s life seems headed for divorce, but not wanting to go without sex , establishes a relationship with a bar girl on the other side of the world. Thus begins a complex series of sexual transactions that enable the married man to hide his true life while pretending to carry on a new relationship.
February 20, 2001
• A FORTUNE story calls Enron a “largely impenetrable” company that is piling on debt while keeping Wall Street in the dark.
• Bar girl realizes the married man’s real life story is “largely impenetrable” that is piling on bullshit while keeping the whore in the dark.
April 17
• Enron chairman Ken Lay meets with Vice President Dick Cheney and other energy-policy officials; it’s one of six such visits.
• Married man’s wife Neva GivaLay meets with her spouse, reminds him she owns his balls and half his assets , it’s one of six such reminders.
August 14
• CEO Jeffrey Skilling resigns, becoming the sixth senior executive to leave in a year. Lay says in a conference call with stock analysts, “I never felt better about the company.” He deflects analysts’ pleas for more disclosure. They lower their ratings on Enron stock, which drops in after-hours trading to a 52-week low.
• Married man’s other whore resigns, becoming the sixth whore that he’s slept with to leave in a year. Married man says in a phone call with his whore, “I have never felt better about us”. he deflects her pleas for more disclosure. Suspecting finally he might not be single, she lowers her expectations on married man’s stock, which drops after another bout of unpaid sex to a 52 week low.
October 12
• Arthur Andersen legal counsel instructs workers who audit Enron’s books to destroy all but the most basic documents.
• Married man’s legal briefcase which he brings every visit to his hotel room contains only the most basic documents, always locked, and always off limits when using the room to fuck.
October 16
• Enron reports a third-quarter loss of $618 million. Moody’s investors Service indicates that it is considering lowering its credit rating on Enron debt securities.
• Bar girl whore reports a third quarter loss of revenue because married man has stopped paying for sex. She considers lowering her pussy availability for married man’s dick.
October 22
• Enron discloses that the Securities Exchange Commission has opened an inquiry.
• Married man accidentally discloses that the SEC (suspicious ex cunt) has opened an inquiry to his possible sexual activities oversees.
October 24
• Chief financial officer Andrew Fastow, who ran some of Enron’s stealth partnerships, is replaced.
• Bar girl whore, who has been opening her legs thinking there is a future if she does so, is replaced.
October 26
• The Wall Street Journal reports the existence of the Chewco partnerships run by an Enron manager. Ken Lay calls Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan to alert him of the company’s problems.
• Facebook post reports the existence of Married man’s affair. Married man forever deletes his Facebook and wisely removes himself from all social media solving all of his future problems.
October 28
• Lay calls Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill. In October and November, Enron’s president phones an O’Neill deputy at least six times, seeking help.
• Having been caught with his hand in the pussy jar, Married man phones his lawyer at least six times, seeking help.
October 29
• Lay calls Commerce Secretary Donald Evans, suggesting he help Enron.
• Married man contacts Commerce Secretary otherwise known as local ATM , suggesting he withdraw all remaining money while he can.
November 8
• Enron admits accounting errors, inflating income by $586 million since 1997.
• Married man admits additional counting errors, having inflating his Craigslist internet penis size by 586%
November 9
• Lay again talks to Treasury’s O’Neill.
• Married man visits his 423rd ATM inside 48 hours.
November 29
• The SEC expands its investigation to include auditor Arthur Andersen.
• The Suspicious Ex Cunt expands her investigation to include other bar girl whores her soon to be ex husband has slept with.
December 2
• Enron files for bankruptcy.
• Married man and wife file for divorce. Married man subsequently files for what will be eventual bankruptcy.
December 12
• Andersen CEO Joseph Berardino testifies his firm discovered “possible illegal acts” committed by Enron.
• Married man’s friend Joseph Yugotburnedbro testifies to his buddy that he’d like to use his whore for his own “possible illegal acts’ and begin his own Rosetta Stone home study language course.
January 9, 2002
• The Justice Department launches a criminal investigation.
• Millions of other married men launch an investigation of this magical land of bar girls and plan their own future trip.
January 10
• Attorney General John Ashcroft rescues himself from the investigation because of contributions he received from Enron. Andersen acknowledges destroying Enron files.
• Married man’s best friends travel to said magical land to make their own sperm contributions. Friends’ thereafter acknowledge destroying former married man’s whore’s anus.
• The cycle perpetually repeats itself.
kha xx
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