Schizophrenic Mistress or just a girl who’s overly anxious and perhaps a bit compulsive when it comes to caring for others?
I’m pretty sure it’s the latter but whether I like it or not I now have to deal with the first notion – that I’m schizophrenic. When I say deal with it – I’m referring to this drug they’ve injected into me yesterday morning at the hospital – against my will I might add … and I now have to learn to cope with the side-effects that have already begun to manifest themselves. Sigh.
You know what this is like? It’s like playing a first person shooter video game and I’m trying to focus on plunking the tank with bullets but now I have this annoying person from the other team buzzing around me and I have to divert all my attention to the new person trying to off me. I want to say “not now, I”m trying to kill this tank” and swat the nuisance away like one would a mosquito.
Only I can’t. The damn enemy won’t leave me alone.
Anyways, the tl:dr of it all is that I now have to take August off to deal with the effects of this medication swimming around inside me.
fluphenazine decanoate … that’s what they gave me.
And why? Well, I’ve watched A Beautiful Mind – about a truly schizophrenic character and no, I don’t see invisible people, I don’t have conversations with said people and I don’t have any delusions that I know of other than that I might be Jayna from The Wonder Twins. You’d think I’d delude myself into being a somewhat competent superhero like Hawkeye!!
There’s no need to write an essay on the backstory of how it’s gotten to this point with me and my family … I’ve written about it extensively every single day on my FanVue blog … and shorter posts on my Loyalfans blog. The tl:dr of it is that somehow, someway I drive my family insane with my cleaning and cooking behaviours, and for that they’ve gotten the hospital to heavily medicate me with an injection. Ya, just that.
It boils down to the fact that I’ll readily admit to … I have this compulsive obsession with doing things for others and when those others don’t let me do things for them … I get uh, moody. Very moody.
It’s why I was a fantastic Mistress for the past decade. Because I essentially got to help others via helping them live out their fantasies which I put my heart and soul into … as that’s what I’m aught to do.
Oh gosh writing this is hurting my head. It’s like there’s some sort of thing inside turning off all the light bulbs. Remember one of the last scenes in 2001 A Space Odyssey when HAL was having it’s memory circuits removed one at a time and the AI was trying to sing Daisy, only getting progressively worse? That’s me. Right now. That’s what this shit is doing to me.
Thus, I’m off for the rest of July and August. I’m going to focus on increasing my writing even more – if my brain allows me to … and on riding my bicycle at least 4 hours each day.
I’m going to combat this chemical with extreme fitness and let’s see if I can hit 49kg’s along the way and make it an even 20kgs that I’ll have lost in the past year.
5 weeks of extreme fitness. Maybe, just maybe that’ll get me back into being a Mistress – even if it’s part-time, come the busy season of September.
I’m still working on finding a Mistress for Bangkok but it ain’t easy finding a girl who wants to make 1/4 million / month.
For more in depth daily stories follow my FanVue as that’s where I write 3-5 blog stories per day without any character limit so I spill my mind fully there.
Loyalfans is where I post what are basically the summary notes of everything I write on FanVue as I’m limited to 2000 characters per post there.
Scatbook is the extreme shit eating blog so most of my stories there focus on how my daily Mistress and personal life are impacting my toilet training sessions.
Talk to you in a bit, I need to sleep some more.
Wael