My Mother always told me “schools are designed to teach to the lowest common denominator. Let them, and you’ll become as stupid as they wish you to be.” So though I really wanted to begin this rant with the sentence “how stupid do they think we are?” referring to the crew of frat boys writing these final episodes for Game of Thrones , I immediately answered my own rhetorical question …. “as stupid as they wish us to be.”
As I was discussing in private emails with a number of you last week , it’s important that when each episode is over that we take a moment to appreciate what we are acknowledging was great … the cinematography. Last week the pace, the visuals, the mood, the grandeur of the battle was so very well shot. I really seemed to hit a chord with some of you when I suggested that it was like the director purposely went back and watched some of the nearly great but too long and drawn out battle scenes in the Lord of the Rings series – and corrected mistakes made so that his attempt was spot on.
But the story line , holy hell – luckily George RR Martin isn’t dead or he’d be not just rolling over in his grave but he’d be doing all sorts of acrobatics just to come to the surface and bitch slap the frat boys trying to turn a masterpiece into sewer scum level of an IQ plot line.
Today’s episode, The Last of the Starks for example.
… wasn’t it enough for Ser Jamie and Brianne to “consummate” their respectful relationship with him knighting her? Pretty well done , but then the writers said “nah, let’s give the fans what they want even if it’d be THE most awkward sex scene ever made – and let’s have them fuck.”
… Fuck we have to get on with the Star Wars series say the writers, so let’s cut out meaningful shit like Sansa and Arya’s reaction to John telling Bran to tell them what his bloodline really is.
… Following up on the uber intelligent military tactic of sending 10,00 Dothraki riders into a dark snowstorm to fight the dead by themselves , miles away from the 100,000 Unsullied that they were initially lined up with …. let’s this week have Danny & Tyrion and about 30 soldiers present themselves at Cercei’s doorstep with John’s army 2 weeks behind up in Winterfell.
… Apparently Ballistas have 100% accuracy against moving dragons. Here I am, the one who has often lamented that the hit to miss ratio of gunfire in movies in inversely proportionate to how good the flick is (miss all shots = movie sucks donkey balls)
… Is it just me? Or is it too painfully obvious that all Danny needed to do was fly around behind Euron’s ships and flame them from the rear … you know since that would require his Ballistas to swing around and blow their own masts to pieces.
… So Danny is about to become a Tyrant herself , pretty much nullifying anything that happened that entire season in Mereen.
… Question: Which couple has less sex appeal between them , Anakin / Padme or Jon/ Danny?
… Admit it, you’d pay 30,000 baht or more for a 2 hour bdsm session with Arya as your mistress.
… Admit it also, the idea of forced bi with The Hound both scares and excites you.
… Here’s hoping that on his way back up north, Tormund stumbles upon a Netflix Office somewhere in front of Castle Black and gets pitched a show of his own.
… Here’s hoping that none of the writers from The Walking Dead or Season 8 & 9 of GoT are involved in Tormund’s spin off show.
When all is said and done in two weeks time I’m envisioning those of us who have read the books to play out a scene from Beverly Hills Cop in our minds. At the end of BHC the police chief shows up at Victor’s estate and asks Billy what happened. Then upon hearing Billy’s long winded bullshit answer , he turns slowly to Sgt. Taggert and calmly says something like “Sgt.Taggert …. do you mind telling me what really happened?”
George Martin … do you mind telling us what REALLY happens in the end?
/ endrant
p.s: LOVE how twitter is having fun with the frat boys writing this morning , oh and the Starbucks coffee mishap ….
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