I’m back in the saddle again.
Out where a man needs a tease.
Where the longhorn men plead
While begging from their knees
I’m back in the saddle again.
Ok so Gene Autry I am not , but a mistress I am once more having gotten over the hump of doing my first session in over a month successfully. My intention isn’t to make this a ‘pat myself on the back’ kind of entry but rather to let you guys know that there is a great amount of trepidation when confronted with doing a session after a long layaway.
Especially when there has been 0 seconds in the past month where I have been allowed to feel or act in my confident ways , being tied to a sofa for 720 hours. Heck even my signature ‘mistress like action’ , the swiftness with which I walk was robbed from me.
People shuffle from place to place. I stride.
There hasn’t been one man who has spent time with me outside of the condo who hasn’t struggled to keep up with the pace at which I walk. The way in which you walk is a metaphor for how you approach life, same as it goes for your body language, your posture and your speech patterns when you express yourself. Having been weakened in every aspect of my life for thirty days cast a hint of doubt over whether I could snap my fingers and instantly resume my mistress ways.
Well two sessions back into the swing of things and it looks like I haven’t missed a step. Once a mistress, always a mistress it looks like.
Of course , typical me , I slip right back into my ways of being focused not on the seduction or on the Teasing part of the session , but rather in the enjoyment level and comfort level of the person I am hosting.
It’s an odd thing to say, you know – considering that for the guy tonight I’m already carefully picking out which shoes I’ll wear for his ball busting session , one might think that having my guests comfort level in the forefront of my mind might be a bit of a misnomer. But I realized after spending 20 minutes laboring over going with the spiky shoes or the pointy toed ones – and then reading his reply from last nights session – that I spend a great deal of time concerning myself about how to make the session absolutely perfect from the man’s point of view.
While that’s a good thing I suppose , there have been times where that desire to please has caused me to cross the line and blur the client – mistress relationship , and while my sexual open mindedness never made me think twice about kissing a guy now and then , I’ve realized that such an action wasn’t fair.
I’m seductive , and by your standards I’m also quite hot , and when you consider that the style of my sessions is heavily centered around seducing you so that I can break your willpower – suddenly shocking you with a kiss – is a bit of an evil thing to do at a moment when you are probably at the most vulnerable point of your life.
I’ve had some extraordinarily hot guys submit to me over the past three years , dudes so masculine that seeing them grovel at my toes literally made my legs quiver and I’ve had on more than one occasion a drop of pussy juice cascade down my leg as the man is upon my orders worshiping his way up my leg. None of those guys have I given so much as a peck on the cheek.
Rather, it’s been the vulnerably soft pudgy guys who touch a cord in my heart at how much they need someone to love them that is my weak point. I just generally like human beings that seem vulnerable.
While I was in Turkey , there was this rather sumptuous restaurant that displayed its food in the window and every day as I walked past it my mouth watered to try one of their delicacies but we were always in a rush to get somewhere. Finally on the second last day there I got to stop in there and order up this succulent meaty thing wrapped in a pita that had me salivating waiting for the chef to finish preparing it and finally hand it over to me.
When he did, and we stepped outside I stopped momentarily to put my change in my purse and as I did so a Syrian refugee kid ran past me and stole it from my hand dropping half the meat on the ground as he did so. I didn’t chase him , but I did spot him a few minutes later huddled under a staircase and eating my food in a manner that made him look like a crazed hyena than a human being. So I went back and bought him another one , kissed his forehead and cleaned his face off with one of the wet napkins I keep in my bag.
Point is, there are times where someone else is in more need of love, care and attention that we are – and if I can open my eyes and recognize that – I think I’ll be remembered in a good way by a lot of people once I’m gone.
Same feeling applies to guys who , while they are submitting to me , and playing the role of the good submissive , they can’t hide the fact they are vulnerable. I can spot such guys a mile away and I have a soft spot in my heart for them , it’s just who I am. Again, I’m open minded sexually, society has never put a weight on what is good or bad — tolerable or not tolerable upon me. To me a kiss is a kiss , sex is something we are born to do , and jealousy of either is born from putting too much weight on the meaning behind such actions.
So, for example , last year when one of my German dudes had been on his hands and knees acting as a perfect motionless table for 3 hours while I played Diablo on my laptop and resting my feet upon his back, I noticed he did so the entire time with his head hung low. It was as if he was saying to himself “this is my lot in life, I should be happy to be humiliated in such a way that it pleases my mistress” – his posture screamed such a sentence for him.
When he readjusted himself to relieve what was possibly a cramp in his hip – for he had lifted and settled his right leg back into a new angle I called him on it , acting mad that he had disturbed my game.
“sorry mistress” he whispered while drooping his head even lower.
Now that could very much just be role play , an expectation of a bad slave performing a dis-satisfactory action that calls for punishment as atonement. Or, the thought crossed my mind , were there a set of happenings in this man’s life that led him to be turned on by being used. Had he been stepped on so many times that he sought enjoyment out of never being able to be the man he wanted to be as a child. See where I’m going with this? There’s more to a man’s actions than role play , there’s often something much deeper below the surface of an abnormal action.
I called him up to his knees to kneel in front of me and confess to me that he had erred in disturbing my game by shifting his body.
He did so as I held him by the cheek and as I raised my hand to slap him across his face he closed his eyes and whimpered at the expectation of pain.
Then i sunk my lips into his and it was amazing. I could feel his whole body tense up like he was being shot , and then he “fell” into the kiss in a manner that showed openly it was what his truest desire was.
Acceptance. In this case, especially , acceptance by his mistress.
That kiss, really fucked that guy up.
I could show you a laundry list of emails from him thereafter that would display both his ecstasy and his fall into madness.
I didn’t really understand the power a mistress holds back then , and more so , it never occurred to me just how many of you guys have this fantasy where you get to live your life with a girl like me … one who can control you , make you feel wonderful yet useless , one who sometimes demands servitude and sometimes demands nothing. I’ve found that a great number of you crave such a relationship , and to open the door with a simple passionate kiss … it’s mind blowing for the slave. Some just can’t handle it.
All three guys that I kissed over the past three years , all have lost control of their emotions to some extent thereafter.
It’s better to leave guys with a “geez I wish there was some way I didn’t have to leave her after the session” kind of feeling than a “whoa, is there a chance between me and her?” kind of thought. To give a guy hope like I did to those three , wasn’t very professional in hindsight. It’s something I’ve corrected and have become “more hard” I guess in my ways.
Now that I’m back in the saddle, I shan’t cross the line again. I’ll be as dedicated as I can to how happy I can make all the guys who come to see me , without blurring the relationship.
Oh and by the way, I decided to go with the spiky shoes for kicking his balls into obliteration tonight. It was a hard choice.
xx