So I did my first session today since we halted things 8 weeks ago. I’m gonna shoot from the hip here and type off the top of my head about how it went and the subtle changes I (we) have had to make – and the reasoning behind said decisions.
The session itself was fine, great even. It was like seeing a long lost friend one hadn’t seen in years and years, wherein reality it was only our second ever meeting.
And oh ya, that ‘long lost friend’ – he of 53 years old – had a raging boner like when he was 23 years old.
Oh and not only that, but if you remember back to perhaps your first or second intimate naked meeting with a girl , say when you were a teenager … remember how sensitive your dick was to a girl’s touch? Like, she’d touch it and your cock would slam its head into your belly button and bob at attention.
Well his dick was like that today , which made tease & denial more like denial & teaseabit.
Now, he’s a single guy, so I’d imagine for you dudes locked up with your wives and girlfriends your dick sensitivity will be staus quo , but for single guys who’ve been swiping girls photos on their instagram for 2 months with 0 female contact … I’m letting you know right now , your dick is gonna be hyper sensitive to touch for a while.
The other thing I noticed right off the bat was just how over stimulated he got from seduction and I attribute that to something i’m going to call ‘mental distancing’ wherein we’ve become so accustomed to the word distance lately that we’re starting to become like polor opposite magnets in how we interact as a society.
Case in point, I was in the lift just yesterday going down to the lobby to wait for the food I had ordered. The doors opened on the 7th and 4th floors on the way down … and on both occasions the people waiting opted to not join me and wait for another – hopefully empty lift – to arrive.
Then as I’m waiting on the edge of the sofa for the food guy to arrive … it was painfully visible the wide circle people were taking to maintain maximum distance from me as they crossed to and fro in the lobby foyer.
Like, what – the – actual – fuck.
So my theory is that men are going to be ultra sensitive to a woman’s touch going forward, I’ll need a larger sample size before I can make any preliminary conclusion – but its something I think you fellas should be mindful about. Don’t let this world we’re now living in affect your mental distancing … being intimate is a great part of what makes our relationships and our encounters so great.
Anyways, its been those waits for food in the lobby that gave me a good idea of how to go forward with sessions. Look, I’m trying really fucking hard right here not to talk about my feelings about all this as – like always – they go against popular mainstream thought – but the hundreds of you who’ve been in constant email contact with me the last while know where I stand. For instance, the ISpy phone app they want us to use for shopping – lmfao. Today was the first day malls opened here and my jaw hit the floor when I saw the mobs around the new Orwellian app – all clamoring to throw their privacy into the trash as we take one step closer towards a 1984 society. It reminded me of “so this is how liberty dies” line from Star Wars …
But, I digress.
My job is to keep you and me safe from things far more fearsome than covid, so let’s focus on that shall we.
I’ve made quite a life for myself out of revere-enginering authoritative red-tape. It’s quite easy to get a visa to Europe when you first find out all the ways they can deny you … and then simply remove their ability to do so for each and every issue.
That’s what we’re gonna do here , you and I … reverse engineer the measures they’ve implemented.
So in my condo lobby there’s two guards working, Bimbo and Bozo.
We don’t even have to concern ourselves with Bimbo the militaristic like day guard who’s finally allowed to live out his dream as running condo security like Forest Gump’s army bus driver. My sessions are in the evening where Bozo the Clueless runs the new visitor check in rules.
They want you to wear a mask.
So the way I see it, you and I can go about this two ways.
One, we can meet out in the back alley by the trash compactor and fight it out like we’re reinacting the 6 minute long fight scene from They Live wherein I force you to wear a mask upon arriving …
… or you can just wear a mask to appease the aliens , and we don’t have to fight. (i’d kick your ass anyways!)
Ok, next issue. You’re hot!
No, not “hot” as in ‘you’re dead sexy , look at your sexy body” …
I mean hot as in … temperature hot.
They’re gonna check your temperature before you can come up for some fun.
So to make sure one of you dudes don’t show up en fuego and have a team of covidcops suddenly drop down from the ceiling and surround us in the lobby , I’ve got a way to deal with this intrusion as well.
I bought this super uncomfortable but very reliable rectal thermometer , and I’m gonna need you to drop your pants back behind the dumpster so I can hard wedge the device up your anus.
Joking.
I did buy one of those fancy dancy high tech thermometers though.
We’re not gonna meet in the lobby like we’ve been doing. Instead , we’re either gonna meet in front of the condo , or just across the street in front of 7Eleven … where , yes, I’m going to preemptively do a Star Trek scan on your forehead with this thermometer thingy.
So help-a-girl out here will ya … don’t be an asshat and hike it from the top of the street some 6 minutes away to my condo as some of you have been prone to do over the years.
That’s gonna make you hotter than boiled broccoli , and I need you cool as a cucumber … so grab some of that cool breeze you get on the motorcycle taxi down to my place m’k?
Once my thermodoohicky reads you as safe , we’re gonna waltz across the street where Bozo the Clueless is gonna give you the exact same forehead scan.
This way, I 100% guarantee that I don’t attract unwanted attention. Which brings me back to a great albeit brief conversation I had with a cop one evening over dinner many years ago.
I had asked him “so how does one go a whole lifetime without ever once having to interact with any policeman” (read ‘tween the lines, I wasn’t all that into him)
But his reply has stuck with me forever, “easy, don’t draw attention to yourself.”
That’s what these new protocals are about, avoiding all possible attention.
Once we’re past the Pentagon’s … errr …. I mean … the condo’s lobby … you can take the mask off for the duration of the session.
You’ll be asked to shower , but I’ve been doing that since the getgo a decade back.
I bought new towels though. 3 more sets. So you’re absolutely guaranteed to be using a fresh , newly washed towel every time.
Same with the bed sheets. Bought 3 more sets of those as well. Bringing the grand total to 7 which is a bit of an overkill , but saves me from having to do laundry every single day.
That’s it. That’s all. Dem’s the new rules per se.
Ah, one more thing. And this one is on you, not me.
Well, it kind of is on me too, as I’ll be quite selective on who I’m seeing until this fucking contact tracing dissipates.
Let’s be clear on the ramifications of this new super-spy world we now live in ok.
You come to see me, then you snuggle up for the night with Fee, then on Tuesday you fuck Fyy , and have dinner with Foh before re-shagging a girl you met playing pool named Fum.
Fee, Fi , Foh , Fum … you just got traced buddy. Guess who gets a knock on her door at 4am come Wednesday morning? That’s right, me.
Cuz I guarantee you, one of those chicks went and scanned her phone when she went to buy her lipstick the other day , and now she’s being tracked.
Every Breath You Take isn’t just a song by Sting any longer …
You drinkin’ my sake kemo sabe?
You sippin’ my soupee guataloupee?
Point taken Kevin Bacon?
Sessions are indeed open , but playboy’s need not apply … is what I’m sayin.
Anyways, I’m not expecting a Klondike gold rush of slaves to my front door , not yet at least. The airport won’t be opening ’til July 1st so unless you’re planning on rowing your way here for your session, these rules are initially for those who are stuck here like me.
Finally, can’t believe I’m suggesting this but , you might want to consider spanking the monkey the day before you see me.
Like I said, jr. down there between your legs isn’t used to intimacy , and my sessions have been and always will be about as intimate as you can get.
xx
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